Recovery: What I was afraid of…

Remember this week’s mini-goal?

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I set the goal knowing that it was extremely possible that it would lead to guilt over what I am eating. Food journaling had driven me deep into my eating disorder the first (and second) time.

I had hoped I would make it through one day without a struggle though.

Wrong.

Yesterday was miserable.

I journaled my food and caloric intake religiously.

Why am I doing this to myself? I want to know what I am eating. I want to see in black and white where I am lacking and where I need to change.

By my afternoon snack, I was really struggling. My snack didn’t fill me up but I didn’t want to have something else because I knew I’d have to write it down and add the calories in.

I had something else because the point of this week is to find a baseline for my daily. I had a usual dinner despite the voice in my head telling me to restrict getting louder.

By the end of the day, I had way more calories than I ever imagined. I honestly don’t know how I am not 300 pounds with all the calories I took in.

I am going to continue with this mini-goal and take it day-by-day as I think it will yield a lot of important information for me going forward but this will definitely not be a mini-goal that I continue after this week (if I make it through this week).

Do you count calories?


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About Katie

I'm a college student who is trying to find her feet in the world of cooking healthy and incorporating food healthfully into my world!
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2 Responses to Recovery: What I was afraid of…

  1. Keep posting about your food journaling issues. It seems like it helps you to write about it. BUT, you might want to consider a different challenge in the future. Just saying…
    And by the way, my OCD tendency is weighing myself. I try to keep it to only once a day, but I’ve been known to go off the deep end and start weighing myself every time I’m in the bathroom. It’s such a wonderful way to keep reminding myself what a loser I am (and by loser, I’m not talking weight-loss). Hang in there.

    • Katie says:

      I hope this is the hardest challenge I create for myself! I knew it would be hard but was definitely not prepared for it to be this hard!

      I totally know where you’re coming from with weighing yourself! I definitely did the weighing myself multiple times a day thing. I’m down to once a day now too, but sometimes find myself creeping on the scale when I’m changing or something. Some days I hide the scale. The whole out-of-sight, out-of-mind think seems to help.

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