Remember this week’s mini-goal?
I set the goal knowing that it was extremely possible that it would lead to guilt over what I am eating. Food journaling had driven me deep into my eating disorder the first (and second) time.
I had hoped I would make it through one day without a struggle though.
Yesterday was miserable.
I journaled my food and caloric intake religiously.
Why am I doing this to myself? I want to know what I am eating. I want to see in black and white where I am lacking and where I need to change.
By my afternoon snack, I was really struggling. My snack didn’t fill me up but I didn’t want to have something else because I knew I’d have to write it down and add the calories in.
I had something else because the point of this week is to find a baseline for my daily. I had a usual dinner despite the voice in my head telling me to restrict getting louder.
By the end of the day, I had way more calories than I ever imagined. I honestly don’t know how I am not 300 pounds with all the calories I took in.
I am going to continue with this mini-goal and take it day-by-day as I think it will yield a lot of important information for me going forward but this will definitely not be a mini-goal that I continue after this week (if I make it through this week).
Do you count calories?