Straddling the Line

It’s February 1st which means that the first month of 2011 is GONE!

How did that happen?

I’m going to look back on January 2011 and look forward to February 2011 today!

January Recap

Miles Ran: 104

Highest MPW Week: 28

Longest Run: 16

Tempo Workouts: 4

X-Training Workouts: 4

Favorite Run: My longest run to date (16 miles) definitely takes the cake for my favorite run. I kicked down a lot of demons on this run mentally and physically. I felt at the top of my game after the run. I couldn’t stop smiling. It doesn’t get any better than that.

Least Favorite Run: Remember my disastrous 12-miler? I do. Vividly. That easily wins for my least favorite run of all time.

Most Hardcore Run: Definitely last week’s LR. It was only 10 miles but I was running during a snow storm on top of the twelve inches of snow that had been dumped on us from the storm the night before. People looked at me like I was crazy but I felt great!

February Plans

Miles Planned: 132

Highest MPW Planned: 39

Longest Run Planned: 21

Tempo Workouts Planned: 4

X-Training Workouts Planned: 8

The National Marathon is steadily creeping up on me! I have the three longest runs of my training planned for February so the mileage planned definitely will jump from January’s miles.

I’ve set a February goal for myself to swim 2x a week. I have access to a pool through my school so I have no excuse!!

What are your February plans?

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Mini-Goal Monday: Veg-tastic

Ecto ate my post again. This is the third time I am writing this post. Practice makes perfect?

I love Mondays.

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Yep, I said it. I love Mondays. I realize that the majority of people have a reaction more akin to this kid, but let me plead my case.

Mondays give me a renewed sense of energy. I am ready to take on the challenges that this week has for me. I am openminded and calm. I can do anything.

How could you not love a day that makes you feel so powerful?

Another thing I love about Mondays: mini-goals.

Last Week’s Mini Goal: Keep a food journal.

The Results

I tracked every single thing that I put in my mouth (I used TrainingPeaks) but was it a success?

I was ready to quit in the beginning of the week.

The voice in my head that had been relatively quiet returned. It was telling me to restrict. If I kept eating so much, I would be fatter than I already was and I didn’t want that, did I? The voice told me to exercise since that was the only way to justify the calories I was taking in.

I could have let the voice win and everyone would have understood when I explained. No one would have judged me. Except me.

I kept journaling. For the first couple of days, every waking moment was consumed by fighting the voice. It was a constant struggle to continue to eat and exercise “normally.” The voice was screaming at me, but I dug my heels in. I wrote down everything and ate like I would every other day.

The voice became quieter as I continued to journal. By the end of the week, it wasn’t fighting the voice every step of the way. The voice would resurface a couple of times but I was able to push through it.

Was the struggle worth it?

What I learned:

  • The voice in my head is there in the shadows, just waiting for me to slip.
  • I eat significantly less on my long run days and I don’t make up the calories later in the week.
  • Some days I get in ZERO servings of vegetables.

All of these observations are significant and I need to address all of them. I can’t tackle them all at once though. I chose the one that I felt like I could be the most successful with to tackle this week: vegetables.

Mini-Goal for the Week of January 31: Eat three servings of vegetables per day.

I laid the ground work for this goal in yesterday’s post.

Since vegetables never just wind up on my plate, I planned out a menu for the week that included a serving of vegetables with lunch and dinner every day.

Two-thirds of my goal is already completed through my menu-planning.

To find my last serving of vegetables for each day, I am going to replace one snack (which for me is usually fruit) with a vegetable.

Three servings of vegetables a day? I can do it!

What is your favorite way to snack on vegetables?


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Menu-Planning (Week 1)

People have a lot of different problems with their diet.

Eating enough fruit has never been a problem for me. I know how to eat fruit.

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But I am terrible vegetable-eater.

I don’t know what to eat them with. I don’t know how to make them.

I hate it because vegetables are so good for my body. I try to eat pretty well but I am consistently fail at eating enough vegetables.

I decided that I have made more than enough excuses.

How am I going to eat more vegetables?

I am going to stop leaving it to chance.


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Today I sat down and took inventory of everything in the kitchen and made a sweet spreadsheet.

What I learned from the spreadsheet:

  1. I NEED MORE FRUIT. What in the world is going on. Only oranges? ACK!
  2. I have ingredients for lots of different meals!

From the spreadsheet, I made a tentative menu for this week.

Why a menu?

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  1. I definitely have a tendency to eat the same thing all the time. Variety is the spice of life (even if it isn’t spontaneous).
  2. I won’t be scrambling at the last minute. I know what I need for the week and what recipes I am going to use (and where they are).

Hopefully menu-planning will take a lot of the guess work out of eating my vegetables! No more excuses!

Do you plan your meals out or are you more spontaneous?

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Recovery: Semantics

After yesterday’s post, you guys are probably wondering why I am continuing with food journaling this week.

Something changed yesterday afternoon though. I was able to convince myself that it was okay that I was hungry and the natural response to hunger was to give my body want it needed.

I was able to escape the belief that I was giving my body what it wanted but didn’t need.

Something that I continue to work on with my eating disorder is allowing myself to have things I want, but might not necessarily need. As I wrote in each item down in my food journal, I thought of each calorie I took in as a calorie I wanted, but didn’t need. Somedays (i.e. – Monday) I am completely convinced, despite all logical and scientific evidence to the contrary, that I don’t need calories. I just want them.

(Learning to allow myself to have things I want is a mini-goal for a different week).

In order to survive this week, I had to change how I viewed my calorie intake. (Learning to allow myself to have things I want is a mini-goal for a different week)

I took a big breath and told myself that I was hungry because my body needed the calories, no matter how ridiculous my mind thought that was.

I pushed all doubt out of my head because I knew any doubt would ensure failure.

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This morning when I woke up, it was a new day.

I’ve journaled all day with minimal feelings of guilt. I haven’t restricted. I haven’t thought twice about what I’m putting in my mouth. I know that what I put into my mouth is healthy and good for me and I need the calories.

I’m glad I didn’t pack in in yesterday when I was teetering on the edge of failure.

Will I be able to sustain this feeling of acceptance toward the necessity of calories? I’m not sure. But today, I can.

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Recovery: What I was afraid of…

Remember this week’s mini-goal?

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I set the goal knowing that it was extremely possible that it would lead to guilt over what I am eating. Food journaling had driven me deep into my eating disorder the first (and second) time.

I had hoped I would make it through one day without a struggle though.

Wrong.

Yesterday was miserable.

I journaled my food and caloric intake religiously.

Why am I doing this to myself? I want to know what I am eating. I want to see in black and white where I am lacking and where I need to change.

By my afternoon snack, I was really struggling. My snack didn’t fill me up but I didn’t want to have something else because I knew I’d have to write it down and add the calories in.

I had something else because the point of this week is to find a baseline for my daily. I had a usual dinner despite the voice in my head telling me to restrict getting louder.

By the end of the day, I had way more calories than I ever imagined. I honestly don’t know how I am not 300 pounds with all the calories I took in.

I am going to continue with this mini-goal and take it day-by-day as I think it will yield a lot of important information for me going forward but this will definitely not be a mini-goal that I continue after this week (if I make it through this week).

Do you count calories?


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Mini-Goal Monday: Return of the Food Journal

Happy Monday!!!

I have been anxious for today because today is the first day of classes for the semester!

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Yes, I still get excited for classes to start every semester. (Yes, I am a five year old trapped in a 23-year-old’s body).

But just because the new semester is starting doesn’t mean that I don’t have a mini-goal for this week!

Remember last week when I decided to start Mini-Goal Mondays?

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Last Week’s Goal: No more than 2 apples per day.

So, how did I do?

I was able to follow this plan every day except for Thursday. Even on Thursday though, I only had three apples (far less than my usual).

Now it’s a new week with a new mini-goal. However, I’m am going to continue to watch my apple eating. It’s just not going to be at the front of my mind all the time this week.

So what is this week’s mini-goal?

Mini-goal for week of January 24: Keep a food journal.

I used to religiously log everything that I put in my mouth. It became an obsession as I ate less and less. Writing everything down created guilt that I felt all of the time so when I decided to tackle my eating disorder, I gave up journaling (very reluctantly).

After last week’s revelation that my overeating of fruit is related to not eating enough calories, I’ve decided to start journaling again. I am going to track my food intake (and calories). It’s my hope that seeing this information in black-and-white will open my eyes to how much I am (not) eating.

Given my history with food journal and eating disorders, I have to be extremely careful. I let my mom and aunt know what I am planning on doing so hopefully they can keep their eyes open extra wide, just in case!

Do you keep a food journal?

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Marathon Training: Cold Feet

Yesterday morning, I was scared.

I had my longest run yet, 14 miles, on my training schedule.

But when I woke up, all I could think about was last week’s disastrous LR.

I went about my pre-run routine as usual, though, hoping to kick the negative juju but it didn’t work. I wanted to bag the run but there was no way I could justify it. I was coming off of a two-day rest. My body was physically ready to run. My head was holding me back.

I told myself that I wasn’t a runner. I wasn’t like everyone else. My body wasn’t cut out to run. Why should I keep fighting against the inevitable? How could I possibly run a marathon?

I struggled to quiet these negative thoughts. When I had a moment to think, I realized where these voices were coming from: fear.

Last week’s LR took much more out of me than I had realized.

I no longer had faith in myself or my running.

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I don’t know where the rest of my training is going to take me, but if I had to guess, I would say that this was the defining point in my training.

I had two options.

  1. I could skip the run. I could tell myself that I’ll do next week’s LR and all will be good.
  2. I could run. I could tell that stupid voice in my head to shut up and just go.

I knew if I chose door number one, I would not be running in marathon in March. My resolve would be shattered. I would never be able to come back from that in time to complete my marathon training.

So I ran.

And I ran.

And I ran some more.

I ran 17 miles!!

It was my longest run ever and three miles more than I needed.

When I got back from my run, all I could do was smile! I was proud of myself. I didn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day (I am still smiling the next day). I proved to myself that I can do it. I am a runner. I can run a marathon!

What is one of your proudest moments?

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